"I never knew you were bullied as a kid"

-an “all things bullying” explanation by founder, Bobby Cooper

I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.

We often default to generic questions in awkward social situations.

“Nice day huh?” , “How ya doing?”

I can still remember the first night back to “Pat’s Place” (a local college pub) after a summer away from university, hearing “how was your summer?” about 100 times from a series of unoriginal friends.

The generic question that seems to be most popular these days? “Bobby! I haven’t seen you since graduation. What have you been up to? I heard something about a Bullying thing your doing? Dude, that sucks…I never knew you were bullied as a kid.”

The consistency of this statement has really helped me realize the importance, and potential of what I’m doing. I guess there is a logical assumption that anyone involved in an anti-bullying movement was, or is bullied fairly often. I actually wasn’t, and from day one of “Bully Help Initiatives” I knew that was the determining factor behind the success of this movement.

I’ll start from the beginning.

I graduated from university with a bachelor of business administration degree in 2006. Although I came out with a business education, I’m pretty sure I learned a lot more about fake id cards, girls, beer kegs and partying than I did about anything else. Following in my true education, I moved to an island off the coast of South Carolina to lifeguard with 5 of my college buddies for the summer (Hilton Head Island). We rented a beautiful home on the beach, and spent the next 6 months in the sand and ocean during the days and at the local bar at night. All good things come to an end though, and the South Carolina winter eventually kicked in. The beach slowed down, and the need for lifeguards stopped. I retreated back to Canada for the winter to find work.

I didn’t want a “real job” in corporate America, and decided to hold out for a career I could feel proud of. Lifeguards and surfers tend to have an optimistic view on life, and I left South Carolina with a passion to make a difference in the world. I had absolutely no plan, just an urge to do something good.

On January 27th, 2007, it all came together, and in the strangest of places. I was watching a Dr. Phil episode about bullying. His son, Jay McGraw was on the show talking about the power bystanders hold to stop bullying. What he was saying made a ton of sense to me. Bullying wasn’t something that affected me in high school, but I knew kids who did get bullied, and although I knew I could help, I didn’t.

I always kept walking by. I felt bad for the kid; I knew the damage it was doing, but I thought it was none of my business and I was reluctant to get involved.

I’m a problem solver by nature, and I thought about the problems that would contribute to kids like me in high school, not standing up for victims of bullying. After I wrote them down, and came up with ways to address each one, I knew I was on to something. I literally spent the next 2 days, writing up the entire plan. I didn’t sleep, I barely ate, I just wrote.

That first plan has changed dramatically over the past year after researching bullying inside out and backwards, but the core is still the same.
The more I learned about bullying, the more I began to believe in the plan! I started realizing that the people trying to convince bystanders to take a stand against bullying belonged to one of three groups:

1. People who were/are victims of bullying

2. Parents of people who were/are victims of bullying

3. Either retired or current educators.

I couldn’t find anyone campaigning to bystanders that actually would have been considered one while in high school. How could someone who never understood “school-ground politics” themselves, teach someone how to stand up to bullying, while still protecting their position in the school?

I knew all of the bad things that happened to kids who were bullied in school. I knew they went through complete character destruction, I knew they wanted to kill themselves (and maybe others). It wasn’t enough for me. Pointing these things out to bystanders over and over again is one strategy that may eventually work. I had another.

As I said above, I actually did want to help victims of bullying. I just didn’t know if my help was wanted. I pictured the victim turning to me and saying, “Mind your own business you jock”.

I put myself in their shoes, and assumed I wouldn’t want ANY attention brought onto my situation, even if it was meant to help. An ignore it and hope it will go away type mentality.

That was when “International STAND Up to Bullying Day” came to me. In Canada, we have a thing called “Block Parent”. Trusted community members are given these little signs to put up in their windows, so kids know they can go there if they need help.
“International STAND UP to Bullying Day” is a “Block Parent” idea, but for a school.

Most schools traditionally has a couple individuals with an indefinite amount of influence. Often deemed “the cool kids”, these people sit on the top of the popularity mountain. They could completely end someone’s bullying situation in half the time it takes a school counselor to just dial the number of the bullies parents or guardians. The key is reaching these kids, and identifying the ones who are willing to help.

My “Block Parent” sign would be a t-shirt with a pledge that would be signed by each participant on the back. The pledge is meant to make people realize, that even if the victim DOESN’T want to address their situation or have attention brought to it, they have to! Bullying situations only get worse when they are ignored. Most people, who are repeatedly bullied, don’t have the confidence to put a stop to it by standing up for themselves. Although my stepping into a victim’s situation may have made them irritated on the surface, it likely would have ended the bullying, as I was considered one of these “cool kids” I mentioned above.

Signing and wearing the shirt enables bystanders to communicate to victims that they want and will help if called upon. Not only does it send a message, but it also causes them to make a personal proclamation, that they will get involved, even if it’s just going to someone else for help if they don’t feel comfortable.

The shirts really do create a ton of positive outcomes. Many victims feel alone in their situation and don’t think anyone cares if they are bullied. They feel that going to someone for help would just create a headache for that person. Victims simply couldn’t feel alone in their situation if hundreds of people were walking around with these shirts on. Bullies would be confronted without an actual person to person confrontation, and the “gang mentality” that is so exploitable in young adults, would be used in a positive way (seeing the cool kids standing up to bullying would make others want to do it).

Before switching into the business program at my university, I spent two years in the information systems program. I started thinking about the other problems that attributed to the problem of bullying, and came up with some ways to address them using technology.

BullyHelp.org started as a way to identify people who needed help in a bullying situation, but weren’t comfortable going to someone for support. I watched some incredibly touching stories of children who had taken their own lives because their situations got so bad. In each case, their loved ones were completely oblivious as to the drastic nature of their situation until it was too late. I kept thinking, if someone with training had gone to this kid the day before they made their last decision, maybe they would still be here. Maybe just knowing that someone took the time to point help in their direction would be enough to realize someone cares about them. The site would allow kids to report anonymously the name of someone they felt needed help. I launched the site and reports started coming in.

It wasn’t long after, that I realized the site wouldn’t be long lived in its current nature. I couldn’t spend all day calling schools, and there was a chance I could run into legal issues. (Could be held liable if the school didn’t do anything, and the person was hurt).

I kept conceptualizing new ideas to address bullying, and decided to dedicate my livelihood to the cause. I could use International STAND UP to Bullying Day as a fund raiser once a year, to make all of the other ideas possible. (The list is at around 10 now!)

The more I started telling people about what I was doing, the more they wanted to help. I had a bunch of people join in, and I decided to form an organization around all of the ideas. (“Bully Help Initiatives”) I’ve really worked my butt off over the past year getting the day organized. When I do something, I do it to my full potential. I knew I could make this thing huge, and with their help, I really did.

We had more than 10,000 people sign and wear the shirt this year, and I’m expecting twice as many next year! 235 schools and workplaces from 4 different countries took part. We ran into some speed bumps keeping up with the demand for the shirts, but I’m really excited about what’s in store for the future.

BullyHelp.org was re-launched in June of 2008 (I had to take it down when I realized I couldn’t keep up with reports on my own). I’ve been working with a bunch of other companies to get some other tools off the ground (stay tuned for the “GOT YOUR BACK” social networking application), and I’m hoping to head off with some cool guys on a North American School Tour in April of 2009 to teach counselors how to use the website, and show “the cool kids” why standing up to bullying is smart thing to do, socially AND consciously.  We have  a clothing line being released soon all focused around the concept of making a statement that you won’t put up with disrespectful behavior towards you or anyone else, and like I said there’s a list that keeps growing of ideas that are still getting off the ground to work with this movement.

I wish I had a cooler reason to give to my college friends when they ask why all of this is happening, but it all comes back to that Dr. Phil episode.

Hey, maybe someday I’ll get to tell him that in person after he throws on (and signs!) a pink STAND UP Pledge shirt!